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It's been a while since I've been motivated to record any of my efforts. I've been a wimp. I'm stuck in exercising for comfort. I balance my exercise with my eating. The exercise feels good, the food feels good and I'm holding steady at 165 pounds. Safely in the Athena category. My goal is to be a trim 148-152 pounds. I'll be faster and lose my affectionately nicknamed 'doughnut' that sits around my middle (I don't even eat doughnuts...Irony!). I've been sick for a week now and the cold broke this morning. I took nearly a week off from exercising (I won't even call it training; my heart wasn't in it). I spent two days slogging around my parents' house, depressed and eating even though I couldn't taste a thing. I need chicken soup, I thought. I need crackers with my soup, like when I was little. Then my dad came home and offered to make dinner. Sure, I said. Ice cream for dessert? Of course! The calcium will make my bones stronger. There's always a reason to eat more, never a reason to eat less when it's in front of me. I'd like to make it the opposite. Instead of being driven to eat when I'm bored or looking for instant satisfaction, I'd be tuned into studying chemistry, writing blogs, doing crunches. The harder I try to change it the more it stares me in the face as being a problem. Yes, I'm a normal girl with bigger than average muscles. I'm strong, fit and flexible. I have a great life! I'm not upset with any directions I'm going in, except out.

I'm 80% committed to creating new habits. The 20% is so strong and willful that I'm in constant conflict. It's like trying to jump out of a plane to skydive and instead of a free-fall, total commitment to getting to the ground, I'm tethered to the plane with a bungee cord, just in case the chute doesn't open.

As for the triathlon piece of my life...it's benign right now. I have my first marathon in Miami in 16 days, and I feel well enough prepared for it mentally and physically, but my point was to get there slimmer and trimmer, unembarrassed to see my finish line pictures. I REFUSE to get to the finish line of IRONMAN CDA looking like I don't belong there. 148.