Miami Marathon

Why, why, why, why, why? Every time I think about the marathon, my first, I wonder why? Why do we all do it? From mile 18 and for about a day after I finished I swore off long-distance races. Without a solid reason the pain doesn't hold any value. Again, why, why, why? In searching for my personal reason I wonder about everyone else. Why do the other 26,000 people in the race go through all that? Some of them, I'm sure, have little discomfort, but the majority of people I talked to after the race and the following day were suffering in some small way. At the museum we visited on Monday I correctly identified three marathoners, and in the airport I saw a few more hobblers. Watching Seinfeld tonight, still pondering WHY, I decided that even though I'm still in considerable pain I'm part of the club now. I am a marathon finisher, which holds mystery and excitement for those who haven't done it. I doubt the vivid memories of each and every mile will fade with time, and neither will my membership in the 'marathon finisher's club'.

Now, two weeks from the marathon I still have significant pain and wonder if I've done permanent damage to my body. Will I look back on this years from now and wonder why I put my body through this? I'd like to find out what running feels like at 140 pounds. I imagine it won't feel like a chore. I'll feel light, fast and free, and maybe I'll even have fun. I feel as if I need to be in starvation mindset to get the results I want. I'm afraid of being hungry. I'm afraid of being uncomfortable. However, the mental discomfort I feel when I'm self conscious about myself is beginning to outweigh my fear of physical discomfort of being hungry. I wonder if my meter needs to be reset. Feeling hungry to me means that I'm close to death and I may struggle to survive if I don't find food. I'm panicked when I feel that way. Maybe that's just normal hunger pains that healthy people experience. New motto: "Reset the meter".

Running is secondary to what I want to accomplish, but I feel that I have set a baseline for movement that I need to uphold. If I reduce the amount of exercise I'll be going in the wrong direction. Not running is painful for me because I've grown accustomed to the great feeling I have after a run, of overcoming adverse conditions and motivating myself to do something I don't initially want to do. I know how good it feels at the end so I endure the annoyance of donning spandex and finding all the right equipment for the unique conditions of the day.

Reset the meter.

Breakfast.

Lunch.

Dinner.