Sunday, April 15, 2007

Worst bike ride ever

This is my list of compliants about my worst bike ride ever. If you don't want to read complaints, stop reading now. My day started at 5:45 with my stove yelling, 'click, click, click'. The ignitor got wet and shorted. Fifteen minutes later we unplugged the thing, deemed it safe and we were off on a 90 minute jaunt south to Lake Anna State Park. We arrived as everyone was leaving, so we took our time getting ready. I felt the first raindrops as I put my shoes on, and wished I had foot warmers. I ran out last week and figured it would be warm by the third weekend in April. Ten minutes into the ride I felt like my seat had daggers on the borders. I couldn't sit in the same position for more than 5 seconds, and when the rain started pouring down I realized the ease of the course would be overwhelmed by rain, cold, and discomfort. My attempts to stay in Zone 2 proved to be slower than usual. I was going 4-14 mph, even on the flats, and realized later I was probably just dehydrated. I got lost twice, as the rain got heavier, and being by myself made the ride that much more miserable. At 55 miles I was back at the car, changed clothes and got warm, added a coat and took off with Tim, my riding buddy for my third and final loop. At mile 65 I felt a twinge in my knee and knew I should stop. It wasn't the typical soreness or achiness I felt toward the end of the long rides. I hadn't seen a sag vehicle for 2 hours and knew Ed was on his way home, so I figured I'd be sitting out in the cold and rain waiting when I could be riding slow and easy. A day later, as I write this, my knee is sore, swollen and my quads feel bruised. I'm missing a 12 mile run today and I have the Lake Anna Half Ironman staring me in the face next weekend, starting to get depressed about not being able to do the workouts this week. I'm in a funk about not having a job, wondering if I'll maintain my sanity through this next transition period. My food intake is out of control, even after visiting the nutritionist. My will power is very low, I feel worthless and bored. My plan is to go to PA school but it's such a long timeline it's hard to get excited about going to school part time and working a meaningless job. I'm in the same place I was 7 years ago when I graduated. On the other hand, I've had many experiences that have led me to this decision to go back to school, and always knew I would. I'm not sure anymore what's important to me and I feel empty most of the time. I feel panicked about my life, rarely relaxed or having fun, never feeling like I fit in. I don't have a way to identify myself anymore. I'm aimless, jobless, purposeless.

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